Movie Reviews of Movies I missed: For all the reasons

GO:
Okay what's the deal with short names in Hindi Movies. That too attached with some kinda actions. Take Daud,Run and now the recent bomber at the B.O.-GO. What is the tiny-winy thing that relates all of them?They all suck, equally in every degree possible.While RGV's Daud was enjoyable in parts which revealed Sanjay Dutt's characters name in the movie was Daya-Parvati, and Urmila's was UmaShanker.
Coming back to GO-its got someone called Gautam as the male lead,if you may say so,flexing his muscles and trying to fill each frame with more stunts than the amazing videos you get to see on Youtube. Nisha Kothari as the female lead, shows more skin than a green viper shedding on Animal Planet(both are equally fascinating in their own rights and well the latter gets more viewership). Story-Yeah,right. Another one of those 1950-60-70-80-ish cheap Bollywood flicks from Factory right in the year 2007. Is time being bent or RGV has something missing in his cranium?
What would I prefer to see instead: Any of the Ramsay Bros flicks. The music is class, the female leads have no problem shedding their saris even if they have been fighting a losing battle against obesity. (There exists a word in Webster's for this league of Actresses-Power thighs). And yeah, there is Shakti Kapoor.


Factoid: When India TV was launched it had Tarun 'Tehelka' Tejpal in the editorial team, and among others, Nalini Singh and Menaka Gandhi too, until Shakti Kapoor happened. That's how you screw it all up.

What would I prefer to see instead: Any Late Night show on India TV.



What would I prefer to see instead: Anything but Rakhi Sawant.


What would I prefer to see instead: Kambaqht Ishq ,Khallas and Dilbara Dilbara(the song from Dhoom, yeah the one which has a lot of Esha..if you know..I know you know)

Ok here's the difference. Immad is "impotent"(well, in his speech,ie). Yes,I have not recovered from the trauma of Dil,Dosti excreta..!!!!And Mr.Naseeruddin Shah, his father, kicks serious ass. Coming back to the movie "review" or whatever, Monsoon Wedding goes down in my list as one of my hot favs. Absolutely no second thoughts. I have seen Mira Nair's other works such as Namesake, KamaSutra(for obvious reasons), and Salaam Bombay.
While Salaam Bombay remains a huge milestone in Indian cinema, it doesn't leave me as moved (read Jubilant,infectiously Celebrating,exuberant and Joyous,all in the same breath).It is difficult to write something limited of a movie that spans across all cultures,and brings together all cliche's attached to "Indian" cinema as seen by the firangs(u know ,the colors, the music and the singing routine) in a very respectable way, and simultaneously deals with intense elements of child abuse, pre arranged marital infidelity,growing old and (non)settled NRI housewives and their puttars and betis with the tag of confusion of being an ABCD...or a Muscat born whatever...phew!!!
And then you have the Event manager-wedding producer of Old Delhi and his love ,the maid who knows what an email ID is and has a name taken from the pages of Lewis Carol. Whoa! Monsoon Wedding , or Matrimonia Indiano( as it is known in Italy),has it ALL. And I love them all, from the minutest of the details that Ms Nair has put together with a brilliant ensemble cast that comprises of someone as versatile as Lilette Dubey as Mrs.Pimmi Verma,cigarette smoking-hair-curling-nervous mother of the bride, Shefali Chaya as the unmarried elder cousin Ria Verma,Parvin Dabas as the IIT alumni-Softie Export settled in Houston,Vasundhara in one of her most major roles as D-Bride (wont say a word more about here,c'mon she has already faced so much)and (in his debut)Randeep Hooda as the Muscat raised guy who dreams of Hot Indian girls.

2. "Tej bhaisaab" became synonymous to being a pedophile, so much that we still laugh at a friend who is called Tej.Well, we treat him with some respect you see. Brilliant Job Mr.Rajat Kapoor.
3.The obtuse-angled auntie/dadeejee in white sari grooving to Chunari Chunari.Now that's called Freaking out Bay-Beh!!!
4.Naseeruddin Shah is the greatest actor of Indian cinema.Give him the Oscar,the Golden Globes, the Golden Lion, the Golden Unicorn, damn it!!

The drenched city of Delhi also somehow blends so smoothly into the color of the movie or rather adds to the glory of it. The hustle and bustle of Chandni Chowk's Saari Bazaar, to the rickshaws and CP, to huge painted posters of Hindi Movies have been captured brilliantly. Not only does Ms Nair show this part of Delhi, but she also narrates through her characters,how globalisation has transformed us.Elements like becoming cellphone addicts,fast food, sexual freedom and all the other manifestations of the new global American culture ,Cosmopolitan mags, tattoos and well democratic chat shows like"Delhi.com"

***BING***BING***BING***ALERT
Delhi.com is one of the other points to be noted which I forgot to mention, for obvious reasons-The top dubbist Shivanita Lakhia..Bade Ladke..ROTFL

Rarely do we find a movie that brings all the chaos and components which are so cluttered, yet tied to a very sensitive string called family. I wish the KOFFEE guy could understand that family movies are not made with chiffon saris and song sequences in London or Switzerland or mansions hanging crystal chandeliers.
Most importantly, Monsoon Wedding infuses in me a feeling of TRIUMPH and well an infectious urge to dance, of course thanks to Sukhwinder Singh for Kawa Kawa, Anu Malik (singers Abhijit and Anuradha Sriram) for the hot hot number Chunari Chunari, and well Hans Raj pajee and Bally Sagoo for Aaja Nachle. Simply LIBERATING!!!!

Naseeruddin Shah is the BEST! Likhwa Lo. I mean, maine Likh Diya.And Hollywood,please don't consider him for movies where he has to play a bloody bearded thick-accented Maharaja called Captain Nemo. Bollywood tum khush raho!

I watched Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick being banged to cleanse myself from the trauma and disturbia that left me numb for the 45 odd minutes I spent at the theatre watching Manish Tiwary's Dil Dosti etc. This is a movie which has left me disturbed to the core, more than ever.Of course, can't promise that this tops my worst movies list, but well it might qualify as a very strong contender. Immad Shah(Naseeruddin Shah's son) plays Apurv with a deadpan look throughout and a speech style which can be best expressed as "impotent". Wonder how's he gonna complete the hat-trick he keeps talking about.Forget talking about comparisons, because we know how good an actor Mr.Shah Senior is. I am talking about an individual performance and to be precise, it sucked more than a Black Hole (as in the Black Hole, not the one you are imagining.Of course, all you can imagine after this movie is what you are thinking of.) What has happened to Smriti Mishra? As my friend puts it,"One of the most disturbing scenes on celluloid is the frame of the prostitute with the sagging belly". And well I have a word for it-Eww!! Isshitta Sharma (more famous in our circle as Preeti Patel from Loins of Punjab) disappoints as the school girl who is confused whether she wants to or not to get laid, or well I don't really care what is the confusion. Shreyas Talpade as Sanjay Mishra, the future politician from Bihar is a complete misfit in the ensemble.

The synopsis at IMDb for this movie reads: Dil Dosti Etc is a fresh, unabashed, no holds barred look at how young men of today think and choose to live their lives.
My take: Mr.Tiwary and Mr.Prakash Jha ,get a grip and hold on to your lives first. Focus. Please just dont excrete on the celluloid and give it a title.

Regrets: I am not gonna get those 45 minutes of my life.
Watch it if you are emotionally blackmailed or if Preeti Patel is your fiance'.

Neons,Red neons, Yellow Milestones, Pune Railway Station,Lancers, maroon Maruti 800, Bombay-Pune Highway,more Neons and UV Lights in da Club, no Bling Bling, only CASH and Bam Bam. Phew!! What a ride!!Johnny Gaddar is ..wait for it...the Best Hindi movie of its genre. Should I say that again or was I loud enough to make my point clear? ADLABS presents, ...Sriram Raghavan's...and then Boom. The title credits are absolutely a thing to watch and watch out for. Awesome is the Word..or is it Legendary. Ok, I should come out of the Barney-shell and just tell you more about the movie and why I loved it.
Reason 1: Solely for the title credits which is a huge tribute in its own right to all the 60's and 70's thrillers, especially ( and well clearly mentioned too) to Vijay Anand's works from Johnny Mera Naam( from which the movie's title has been taken) to Jewel Thief . I definitely felt that Mr.Raghavan always wanted to pay a kind of homage to them, and what rightfully done!!
In scenes like, Rimi Sen reading R.K.Narayan's 'Guide'( made into a film by Vijay Anand) or well, Vikram, the protagonist who is a big Big-B fan, watches Parwana (may be for his influences eh!) to Johnny Mera Naam. Well,there are other trivial stuff too which would soon make their way on the trivia list of IMDb like, while Shiva is being called the first time, he is watching Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut. The movie also brings back the genre of "Kaun-Kaise-Kaha-Kyun" in a very crisply done script just like taken from the pages of " James Hadley Chase".
Reason 2: This is not a Who-Dun-it? It is more of how did he-when did he-kinda flick, and it continously kept me( and also all the people at the theatre) at the edge of my seat and made me wonder, about what next?It made me think and think, and hold on to the chair tight, made me wanna kick the guy sitting in front of me talking over the phone, cause I was sensing the air of suspense and was totaly gripped by the claws of this reel-o-magic.
Reason 3: The entire cast,from the mastermind of the "plan-A" Seshadri (Dharmendra) to Prakash a.k.a Pakya(Vinay Pathak) to the very briefly kept Twinkle a.k.a Mrs.Shardul (Rimi Sen),everyone has been able to pull off exactly what the film expected them to. Debutante Neil Mukesh as Vikram a.k.a Johnny G is a discovery. He is not just plain wood as the other six-packs,sculpted physique league of bloody ordinary gentlemen are, but makes his presence felt throughout and has been absolutely successful in making the character of Johnny Gaddar come to life. Johnny isnt a strong guy, he is a smart guy. He has his weaknesses and he is scared of the bigger and stronger Cons. But his smartness,his luck and his perfect timing makes his Plan-B work. And Neil makes us believe that he IS Johnny while he deceives and betrays everyone. Last but not the Least, Zakir Hussain as Shardul is absolutely brilliant and Ashwini Kalsekar as Mrs.Pakya a.k.a Beauty Parlor is the icing on the Cake. Go watch the movie to find out why.
Reason 4: The movie includes PUNE. Yippeee. From Pune Station to MG Road, to glimpses of Magnum Mall and Bombay Garage(was it?) . Woo hoo. I loved it.

Reason 5: all of the ABOVE and even more. Johnny G offered me a slice of Tarantino even in vernacular. Especially the scene when Shardul is being hit and falls down back-first on his glass center table. Kill Bill revisted. Woohoo. What I liked most about the movie besides the Title Credits, is the pace at which the movie carried on. There are no extras or fillers or any element of Priyadarshan or RGV ki Aag. I have watched Mr.Raghavan's previous flick "Ek Hasina Thi" and I thought it was a good movie. Johnny G just surpasses all the expectations I had. It is a brilliantly made movie in all aspects, from the sets to the script to the action chodeography to the fast paced editing to the jaw-dropping fast cinematography which captures the closed Train Toilets to the dim-lit compartments as brilliantly as the crowded dance floor of Club Escape or the intense nightmare mood of Vikram's apartment.Shankar-Ehsan-Loy's score is set to set the mood of the movie and it does it well. Just well enough. But it is a bit too loud at times, or perhaps I am too claustrophobic for closed club Sounds.
Complaints: Only complaints are that it is a rated-A movie. So well, besides the Bam-Bam and the Dhishum Dhishum, I wanted some Muah-Muah too. Not that the movie did not have any scope for it. Rimi and Neil could have had a moment . Friggin!!!!! Just when you thought that it was flawless, my hormones popped-out. LOL.
Need I say more. A word more spoken and I would start sounding like I have been paid for the publicity of this movie. Go watch it and you will and shall LOVE it.
3.5 out of 5.

Loins of Punjab Presents is a riot of laughter through and through. Abso-Friggin-Lutely Hilarious. It is a beautiful ensemble piece,yet a very disorganised one jumbled together like a mismatched jigsaw puzzle which only starts taking shape and form as the story unfolds. The pieces here are equally colorful and hilarious in their own way.
To begin with ,the organisers and the title sponsors of the main event . Loins of Punjab is an organisation which has been run by an NRI who made it big in the US by well selling pork loins. They happen to be the title sponsors of a Talent hunt contest (like the many that we see on TV these days, yet very different) and the event management company that handles the event is Bokade Mgmt Company, run by a certain Mr.Bokade who believes Gypsy Kings turn women horny.
The talent hunt is the search for a Desi Idol , the songs would be only in Hindi, and the grand prize is a handsome 25G. The contestants: Preeti Patel & the Patel Squad. Needless to mention here how the Gujjus enjoy their Theplas and self packed Dhoklas EVERYWHERE. They sure know how to have a Good Time and well bargain at that too. Next in Line is a White Guy , Joseph Cohen who loves everything Indian including his girlfriend Opam ( Ayesha Dharkar).
There's also the high society ,stiff upper lip and envious Mrs. Rrita Kapoor ( Shabana Azmi) who wants to win the competition just to win the prize and donate it to some women fundraiser( you know , high society show offs). There's a Business Analyst, Vikram Tejwani (played by the Director Manish Acharya ) who talks in numbers and well his love interest eventually, Sania Rehman who pretends to know Hindi, a guy who got fired for his name being Saddam Hussein, and to top it all, Ajay Naidu as the Turbanotorious B.D.G. , the Bhangra King raplord.
I can just go on praising about this character, but its better to just say , BRILLIANT. B.D.G.s intro happens in a open mic night when he comes up with his partner, with the turban on, and in typical Yo-Hip-Hop-Hustle Style shows some Respecc to his Fols, Mummy-G and Papa-G and begins his rap with Yo-MadaF@#$ and F@#$ U ***. You get it. I was roaring with laughter.
Well, I had not seen any promos of the movie whatsoever and to be frank did not have any sort of expectations with the movie. But well, I was bursting out with laughter in the very first 2 minutes of the movie and it continued till the end credits. To say that the movie was funny would be an understatement.
Debutante Director Manish Acharya has done a very commendable job and dealt with extreme expertise handling the mad cast of the movie and has made every inch of the movie whacky and whackier without resorting to cheap slapstick humor.
I have seen a lot of these Indy-Indie Humor Flicks on ABCDs and NRIs. But this is by far the best.The jokes are a take on post 9-11 America, the ethnic backgrounds that comprise of the brown population of New Jersey, the Gay Fashion Desginers, the Gay-Brown-Bhangra-Pop Guy singing Khoon Kharaaba, the elite Socialites and to top it all how the National Anthem binds us all ,no matter what. I guess I haven't had such a good laugh since Khosla ka Ghosla .Loins of Punjab Presents is a wholesome entertainer, but well do mind the A-Rating. From me its 3.5 stars. BRAVO.

Let me begin with..It was Delicious. Absolutely. Frame to Frame, Edge to Edge. The Master Chefs at PIXAR have done it yet again. Just when I thought how on earth can anyone better the Incredibles or Nemo, they have done it yet again, proving that it is not done yet for PIXAR. Far from it.
To begin with , well ,I loved the short animated feature before the movie and also the preview of the next summer Pixar Release.

Coming back to Ratatouille, it is so heartfelt and sincere, and the emphasis on the characterisation is so honest to the core that you just can't stop applauding the genius of the PIXAR guys, along with enjoying the visual delight of the animated French Delicacies in all their grandeaur.

Initial reactions over a movie which has a Rat as the main protagonist would definitely throw reactions of it being considered as yet nother dosage of slapstick humour that we have grown with and perhaps, been fed too much. But trust me on this, Ratatouille excels as the best G-rated entertainer, the best food movie, and perhaps, one of the best comedies better than most of the PG-13 and R-Rated Teen Flicks filled with skimpily clad bombshells and dumber brains.

Just don't tempt me to reveal the plot. It is awesome. Ok, well what the heck, here it is.

Gusteau is dead, the place has been demoted to three stars (from five) - and the place is lorded over by Skinner (Ian Holm), a diminutive despot who has licensed Gusteau's name for dubious frozen foods.A rat, of course, is less than welcome in the kitchen - except by the ghost of Gusteau.




The details of the animation just make me look at it with my eyes wide open and just wonder in awe. Because everything is so real. From the sauce stained aprons of the Chefs, the Copper Pots, the Mint Garnish,the beads of moisture on the freshly cut vegetables to the matt fur of the rodents, everything is Perfect. The chodeography of a busy restaurant kitchen, to the intense chase scenes on the street of Paris, it has it all.

Just go watch it, absolutely unmissable.Its the perfect Entertainer in a long long time.Written and directed by Brad Bird and displaying the usual meticulousness associated with the Pixar brand, “Ratatouille” is a nearly flawless piece of cinema. It provides the kind of deep, transporting pleasure, at once simple and sophisticated. Spare me the Ratings. This goes beyond that. I would give it a 100.Prepare to be very hungry.

What is up with the movies? Well, the last movie I watched was Die Hard 4.0. It has been two weeks since and I haven't seen any. Faced with the question what the F will I blog,( I really don't care if anyone is reading this or not),I decided upon writing upon the trailers of the movies I missed, wanted to watch and couldn't , or I probably I never wanted to watch,or the ones I watched and never wrote about.

Movies I saw, and didn't write about until now.
To start with POTC-At World's End.

NextUp: Sivaji.The Boss. Aah.I did watch Sivaji, with a Telegu guy who knew elementary Tamil I sure did ruin his movie experience by asking him every 5 mins about the plot.
Well, you really dont need to know Tamil to enjoy Sivaji. Especially, with an audience which starts whistling at the mere sight of Rajni's shoes. The jokes, oh, I couldn't get em, my incapability, but the crowd seemed to love it. Rajni earns hundreds of crores abroad by working as an IT professional ( VISA Power, go get it!). Comes back home to set up a medical college. Bad guy doesnt want him to. Corrupt guys ask more moola.Rajni shows "thenga" (That's the Indian PG Version of the Middle Finger) and sweeps all of them off their feet, in a very unromantic way.His lady love on the other hand wants him to be get Fair and Handsome , or else the relation is over. Tormented Rajni goes in the pool of Multani Mitti, has Papaya facials, puts on Manish Malhotra desinger jackets,and fights the goondas at his ladylove's music store. Throw in some Rahman scores, 20 different hairdos including a bald look,and catchy lines like---Coool, Finisshh...whats not to like or love?

Some of the movies I didn't see and why?
Ck2MK-Chain Khuli Ki Main Khuli. Puhleezzz, I prefer to refer it as the dialogue from Satte pe Satta
The Train-Catch Ya Never,coz, Some Lines should Never be Crossed. Sure, the threshold of the screening room playing the Train.
Premonition-Premo who...????Sandra Bullock. Next please
Fool N Final--Already have downloaded the video Ye Dooriya. So , am good.
Shootout at Lokhandwala - hmm. I wanted to see it, but I got affected by the virus of Vicky Pollard, the symptoms being frequent uttering of " yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no..."""""
Red Swastika: When is Mithun Da's next releasing?

Some of the movies I really had to NOT see.

JBJ: When the promos were out, and AB Sr. did a Jack Sparrow on a Bhangra No. by Shankar Ehsaan, with the Yashraj films Banner gleaming below,first reactions were, no matter what, even if its crap, I will go to watch the movie. At Least for the songs. I got the soundtrack, and fell in love with Bol Na Halke Halke, sung by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan.
Friday Came, and my friend called. You are watching this movie over my dead body. I had no other options.
Apne:hehahahahaha..Kutte Kamine...I felt scared..what if the Deols teared the screen open..I mean for God's sake it ain't one..not two, but all three of 'em.
And Sunny Paaji playing Rocky Balboa for Papajee. I think, I'd better settle for Ghayal's DVD.

Aap ka Suroor: I didn't like the spelling mistake. I couldn't believe that a movie of this stature with an actor like Himmesssss could be released with spelling mistakes in its promotional posters.I felt let down.Yeah,on a serious note, primarily because , I ,being a responsible citizen of this nation, wanted to protect my fellow countrymen from the possible torture they call: Aap ka Suroor,the Sequel to the Reaalll Love Storyy.And I have failed to do so. Even after holding myself down and controlling the curiosity I had to watch Himesss on big screen, curiosity got the better of millions of my fellow countrymen,and yes, the sequel is happening. Aaj, khusshh to bahut hoge tum. Himess , you must be proud to have yur pic on me blog. Haayy

Awarapan: The Paki Music Techno Remix didn't work for me this time.BTW, I havent watched Zeher,Wo Lamhe and even Gangster.

Naqaab: Please No. Abbas Mustan are the biggest cost cutters, do you know. I wont watch their movie until they change their attire. They have been wearing the same white shirt, and white pant, I mean the same, since Khiladi was released. The VHS tape of Khiladi has got all the reels demagnetised and Wada Raha plays backwards, Ayesha Jhulka is now on Telebrands, but Abbas Mustan still haven't changed their white dress. Has TIDE sponsored all of their movies?

Bong Connection: Simply because, it isn't getting released in Pune.But I am sure that I'll catch it in Kolkata.


Harry Potter: Bachho ne Sab Tickets le liye. No tickets for me. Boohooo